Friday, May 05, 2006

i have been pondering over time lately.

mebbe its cos i m still bewildered at how fast time speeds by-such that its nearly approaching 2 yrs since i graduated. mebbe its cos i have set my anniversary photos right smack where i can see them and i have noticed how i have been slowly aging in prints. its scary.

but i think, its most likely triggered by one afternoon spent in an empty room, burning my afternoon stapling for an hour and filing for the next 2 hours. (did i say i love this job?) its just a thing with empty rooms, i guess. it makes your thoughts resonate clearly and you end up pondering ceaselessly on them. on that particular fine afternoon, among the jumbles that cluttered my grey matter, one thought voiced out, 'gee, is this how i am spending my hours?' no doubt that day was a particularly tired one. at the end of the day, i was mumbling to myself (and to think i used to laugh nervously at im when he mentioned tat. secretly nervous for myself tat my fiance was losing his marbles), i was also running on auto and my speech was incoherent. of cos, at this point, some would argue i was never coherent to begin with, but well...

its a weird concept, time is. i figure it takes you approximately 3 seconds to shoot off things said in moments of fury that you would spend the next 3 yrs regretting and wishing you could retrieve. it takes me 5 minutes to get from clementi to jurong, and yet the same 5 min is hardly enough to paint my face. i spend approx. ten minutes praying each time but can easily waste an hour on the Net, even more so when writing a long entry such as this. it makes you ponder about your priorities, doesnt it?

how have i been spending my borrowed time. and how much of my day is spent on doing things that i really, really want to do. increasingly, i wonder at my days end, whether i m satisfied with how i spend my time. do i feel fulfilled, have i enjoyed myself today? have i achieved what i set out to do at the start of the day- do i have goals to start off with? or have i been going through the motion, much like the conformist society that we live in.

like lemmings jumping off cliffs.

now i am not talking about suddenly jumping up in the air one day with my fist in the air, shouting, 'i am all set to pull out the proverbial sword set in stone!'. i have said it before: i m no mother teresa. but having said tat, i do believe small changes can bring substantial effects to my days.

now, i have always been the sleeping sort. id rather sleep than shop, sleep than talk, sleep then sleep. but i have been wondering, like, just a little thought floating somewhere up there (not tat i m the airy fairy sorta lady, of cos)tat perhaps, just perhaps, i could reinvest my sleep time, maybe, wake up an hour earlier and spend to chat with my dad, who has been trying to make small talk. or accompany mum to sheng shiong. or read my book. or help with the housework. hur hur hur. sounds more dreadful than meaningful, eh? but seriously, i think my parents would appreciate it. 2 yrs on, i would hopefully be the missus. amin. and then i wouldnt have the luxury of time to share these experiences with my parents as much as i want to anymore. even the act of simply walking with mum to pasar, carrying her shopping bags, i know i would miss that.

there i m (and here we all are) with 24 hours in our hands (no pun). 9 hours sleeping, at least 1 hour journey to and fro, at least 9 hours working. tat leaves me with a short 5 hours.if i dissect my time like this, it makes the hour spent on american idol yest seem like such a waste. i m not entirely sure i would like to look back and say, 'oh-i shower, and go to work, then went home, took a nap, flip some magazines, surf the Net, oh-and eat, lets not forget that. before i went to sleep today.'

theres gotta be more meaning to life than tat. there has just got to be.

yes, i think it is time to reorganize my time.

ps: and to think i started off wanting to spend this post on dwelling bout sexuav harrassment, which i encountered today.

r.z 10:39 PM  0 comments