Saturday, September 09, 2006

i have had enough of this.

for goodness sake, i am not asking you to sell your limbs! i'm just asking you to flush the (literally) bloody toilet. and to erase any unslighty evidence of your dump, dumbo! which should have been as natural as your urge to crap anyways, you crap! and if you think we like to see your crap floating around in there or splattered around like a badly missed paintball target, then you're grossly mistaken.
huge misconception.
HUGE.

and you know what else i dun quite get yet? why some dickheads insist on squatting on the sitting bowl? enlighten me please. i mean, i dun quite give a hoot if you miss a step and end up with one foot in your crap, trust me i dun. in fact, you deserve a standing ovation for your sheer brilliance. but if you so insist on squatting cos for some inexplicable reason that's the only position your leak'll ever flow from, would you please be kind enough to line the seat with toilet paper so you dun dirty it, you twit? so some unsuspecting stranger after you won't plop her tush down and realise (much too late) shoe marks imprints on the seat?

and that, ladies and gents, was what happened to ME.
usually, i can be quite anal bout plopping my ass down on these public seats. knowing that 1001 bare, naked, jiggly, saggy, pruny, hairy, dirty, farty butts have rested themselves before mine isn't much of a reassurance. and i would go so far as to line the seat with toilet paper (which will be dispose of afterwards), if that's the first thing i'll do. it just so happen on that day, i didn't. and for that one time that the brown cow jumps over the blue moon and the pigs fly in the sky, i got some dumb ass's (again, in the literal sense. pun purely intended) shoeprints imprinted on my bare tush.

oh i curse the fella, alright. left right centre and upside down. with whatever limited list of profanities that i can think of. it ain't pretty.

and they say the graciousness of a society is reflected in their washroom habits? indeed.

i say, what is this madness?

r.z 10:42 AM  0 comments